Some Cute Pet Names To Call Your Girlfriend

Recently, my girlfriend started calling me pet names like “honey” and “cutie-pie” and “sweetie”. Does she expect me to call her one in return? Why do women like this?

Gerry S.

ok snugglepuss. On a list of important questions to ask about your relationship, “why is she calling me a pet name” ranks just above “who gets to pick what we buy for our 8th car” and just below “she only wants to have a threesome four times a week, what should I do?”

I mean seriously, boo-boo kitty f*ck, what harm does a pet name do? Does it really bother you that she calls you “teenydickcumquick” instead of your real name?

I mean, alright, that last one might bother you. But sweetie, pet names are really nothing to be worried about. If you’re worried she’s trying to send you a message, or that this means she feels differently about the relationship, you’re deluding yourself.

Pet names don’t really mean sh*t. They’re a term of endearment, a gentle signal of affection for you, cutie pie. She felt like calling you a pet name in the moment, and it has nothing to do with how she feels about you or your relationship.

Seriously Mr. Garglepants, imagine if pet names really did mean something. Wouldn’t that be a f*cked up world to live in? Where you were constantly wondering when your significant other would take the next step and call you a pet name, and what the name really said about your relationship?