The Absolute Best Way To Get Over Your Ex Girlfriend

Even if we were in outer space on a spaceship, and the engines failed and oxygen was going and there was only space in the space-life-raft for one person, and you were near death and told me to leave you, because only one of us was surviving, I wouldn’t leave you Howard. I’d stick with you to the bitter end.

Ahem. So you got dumped. That sucks.

more: How To Tell If You Should Break Up With Your Girlfriend

There’s a few things you can do to help yourself in this situation Howard, and I’m going to guide you through them.

First of all, yes, you can mourn. It sucks to lose someone, and you’re allowed to feel super shitty about it for a while. Do whatever it is you do when you’re upset or hurting, and allow yourself to wallow in your pain. You’ve earned it. Sit on the couch doing nothing for two weeks if you want.

But eventually, your mourning period is going to be over, and you’re going to have to get your fucking ass off the couch. Call it a month, tops.

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Now that you’re done with the mourning phase, you might be cognizant enough to wonder why I’m using all these death-associated words when talking about your relationship. Well, that’s because it’s dead.

It’s dead, Howard.

And from your point of view, so is your ex girlfriend.

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