I recently worked up the courage to ask a woman I work without a date, and she said yes! I’m really excited, but I’m also super nervous. What kind of questions should I ask her? What should I say? Help!
Well, well, well Geoff, you’ve gotten an adult (I hope) female woman human specimen being person to agree to go on a date with you! Congratulations!
Normally I’d spend this part of the letter mocking you, but I don’t want to sh*t all over your very apparent excitement and anticipation, so I won’t! You done good buddy.
But oh no! Now you actually have to go on a date with her! Can you imagine? The horror of conversation, of empty pauses and breaks filled only with awkward chewing and hastily broken off eye contact.
The feeling of warm liquid sh*t running down your leg as you fail to think of something, even a single thing to say to the woman in front of you, and your bowels involuntarily release as your brain prepares you for imminent death.
The humiliation of the busboy and the maître ‘d helping you clean it up and pretending that it’s not a big deal, and I’m sure she’ll still be there when we exit the bathroom sir, yes sir it wasn’t that noticeable, you played it off really well sir, may I suggest you leave a larger than normal tip sir, thank you sir, you are most kind.