How To Avoid An Awkward Silence On A Date

Whenever I’m out on a date, I’m terrified that I’m not going to know what to say next, and there’s going to be a horrible awkward silence between us. How do I break an awkward silence on a date in a non-awkward way?

Rob K.

Oh man, awkward silences are great! Did you know you can do anything in an awkward silence and it’s legal?

It’s true! (*does not constitute legal advice, I am not a lawyer*)

“Sorry Officer, I know I was going 85 in a 20mph school zone during pickup time, but there was an awkward silence.”

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“Sorry Officer, I didn’t mean to do all this cocaine in front of a police station but I was in an awkward silence.”

“Sorry Officer, I know I shouldn’t be d balls deep inside this inflatable lamb on the playground of a preschool while I pay 12 costumed dwarfs to hurl physical and verbal abuse at me, but there was an awkward silence.”

Do you know what the one thing in common is for all three of these scenarios? It’s that the officer will invariably reply:

“Oh, an awkward silence, ok then, that’s alright. Carry on.”

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It’s like a get out of jail free card! Why would you want tips on how to end an awkward silence! Didn’t you know that the best drug dealers, hitmen, spies, and career criminals in existence were men who knew how to exploit the f*ck out of an awkward silence?

*sigh*

You still want to know how to avoid them, right? F*ck. Alright.

This is gonna sound trite, but the key to avoiding awkward silences is pretty f*cking simple, and it’s this: You’re the only one who makes a silence awkward.

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Awkward silences only occur when one or both parties thinks “Oh boy, it’s been a long time since either of us has said anything, this is getting pretty awkward, I wonder if they think I’m a huge loser because I can’t think of anything to say right at this microsecond, oh man I really hope there’s a terrorist attack right now so that it’ll distract them from this awkward silence, c’mon 9/11 v 2.0 I really need you right now.”

So the key to avoiding awkward silences is… not feeling awkward.

I know. Easier said than done.

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But as I hammer on it seems like every f*cking time I write one of these articles… the only thing that you need to focus on controlling when you’re around women is your mood. Not her reactions, or whether you take her home, or how you talk to her, or even what you look like. It’s your mood. Your mood determines everything.

If you’re in a genuinely good mood, and you’re relaxed, comfortable, and happy, then she’s going to feel good when she’s around you. She’s going to want to keep being around you. That’s because people who are in a genuinely good mood feel good to be around.

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Your mood is literally the only thing you have to concentrate on when you’re with a woman. If you’re in a genuinely good and happy mood, everything is going to effortlessly flow from that. There’s no anxiety, no fear, and definitely no awkwardness when you’re in a good mood.

When you’re in a good mood, you don’t have to worry about awkward silences, because no matter what happens between you, you’re still happy and enjoying yourself. Even if the whole date is an awkward silence where you just can’t find anything to say to each other – you can just let it roll off your back. You two aren’t really that compatible with each other. No big deal, at least you found out.

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So remember, just avoid worrying about awkward silences, and focus on being in a good mood the whole time you’re with her (and when you’re not with her). If you can do that, the awkward silences should take care of themselves.

What’s the most horrible awkward silence you’ve ever been in? Got any advice for Rob? Leave ’em below.

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And as always, if you’ve got any questions, send ’em here and I’ll answer them with a maximum amount of condescension and insults.

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