Me and my girlfriend broke up 3 weeks ago, and I’m having second thoughts. I don’t know whether I want to get back together with her or not… I just can’t decide either way. It would help to know if she wants to get back together with me though… how can I tell if my ex wants to get back together with me?
Alright Lawrence, I’m gonna help you. Not because I want to help you, but because I have a perverse desire to punish myself.
I mean, look at that question. Look at that f*cking question. Lawrence, you forgot some basic f*cking information.
Did you break up with her? Did she break up with you? Are you a goat? Did your girlfriend catch you f*cking a goat? Is it ok because you’re both goats and it’s fine for a goat to f*ck another goat? Are you f*cking a goat right now?!?!?
Is your ex-girlfriend a goat, Lawrence?
Anyway, I’m gonna sketch this out under two situations here.
Situation 1: She broke up with you
Lawrence, hate to break it to you buddy, but she probably doesn’t want to get back together with you. Unless she’s specifically said the words: “Lawrence, light of my life, even though you love to f*ck goats I still want to get back into a relationship with you for some reason,” then chances are you’re out of luck.
But hey! That’s not so bad!
Think about it this way: you’d rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, right? Then you can f*ck all the goats you want!
If she broke up with you, and she’s still trying to “stay friends”, and you’re taking that as a sign that she wants to get back together with you… you f*cked up buddy.
Don’t “stay friends” with her. Staying friends is just a way to make her feel less guilty that she broke up with you (if she did in fact break up with you). It’s not a sign she wants to get back together. It’s a sign that she’s feeling guilty about breaking up with you.
So cut her out of your life. Your relationship is over, treat her as if she suddenly passed away. No phone calls, no emails, no texts, no contact. You’re a new person, and she’s not part of your life anymore.
Unless she specifically says the words “I want to get back together with you,” she’s not a part of your life.
So I guess, if she broke up with you, the answer of how to tell whether she wants to get back together with you is: did she specifically say “I want to get back together with you.”
Situation 2: You broke up with her
This is a bit trickier. Since you broke up with her, it stands to reason that she still wanted to be in the relationship when you ended it.
Now, that’s not to say that she wants to be in a relationship with you now. Breaking someone’s heart or rejecting them is a pretty powerful way to make that person want to tell you to go f*ck yourself.
But if you broke up with her, and you’re considering whether she wants to get back together with you, then you’ve gotta ask yourself a question, and you’ve gotta be honest with yourself.
Do you really want to get back together with her?
Think seriously about that question. Think about the reasons why you guys broke up. Is there any evidence that the problems that broke up your relationship are any better now than they were 3 weeks ago?
Do you really want to get back into a relationship with her, or are you just lonely? Do you want to make a commitment to get back together with her, or do you just miss her?
I’m serious when I’m telling you to be honest with yourself. If you’re not honest with yourself right now, it’s going to come back and f*ck you in the ass later. Plus, it’s a super sh*tty thing to do to take someone back because you couldn’t be honest with yourself and then realize you made a mistake later.
That’s f*cked up. Don’t do that.
But if you think about those questions honestly, and decide that yes, you do want to be in a relationship with her, then here’s how you find out if she feels the same way:
You ask her.
That’s it. Lay it on the line, tell her you made a mistake, tell her why it was a mistake, and tell her you want to get back together with her.
You’ll get your answer pretty f*cking quick. And then you can both go f*ck goats.
Anyone have any advice for Lawrence? Any good goat f*cking stories? Leave ’em below.
And as always, if you’ve got any questions, send ’em here and I’ll answer them with a maximum amount of condescension and insults.