I’m not going to go into specifics, but recently I broke my girlfriend’s trust. We’re still together, but I can tell she doesn’t trust me anymore. How can I get her to trust me again?
Robert, why didn’t you go into specifics! I want to know! Out of a voyeuristic desire to take pleasure in your pain and misfortune!
Oh well, because you didn’t tell me what you did, I’m going to make it up.
So Robert, you f*cked her dad in the ass while her mom baked you a pie made of the aborted remains of her little sister. That’s pretty f*cked up Robert. I’m not sure how you can come back from that.
I mean, not only did you betray her trust for you, you also f*cked up her relationship with her parents, probably for good? How did you even get them to agree with that?
And f*cking her dad even knowing that you were hiv positive… Jesus Christ Robert. That’s some sick sh*t.
So… jesus. I don’t even know where to move forward from here.
Let’s go with the basic principles. You’re probably f*cked, but that doesn’t mean that everyone else has to be.
So you’ve broken your girlfriend’s trust. That sucks, and it was a sh*tty thing to do. But if she didn’t break up with you on the spot about it, that means that you have a chance to repair the damage you did and earn her trust back.
See the words I used there? Repair. Earn. You’re going to have to do some work.
Whatever you did to break her trust, think very deeply about why you did it. Did you know you were breaking her trust? Did you do it accidentally (probably not, you should know whether you did or not). If you claim it was accidental, you best be 100% positive. It’s super easy to pretend you did something accidentally rather than facing up to the much more painful truth that you did it knowingly.
When you’ve thought a lot about what it was that broke her trust and why you did it, share your thoughts with her. Tell her that you recognize what you did wrong, and tell her that you recognize why it was wrong. Tell her why you did it in the first place, and that you recognize that that was the wrong thing to do as well. Tell her why it won’t happen again, and make a convincing case.
You need to show her without any doubt or unease that you recognize that what you did was wrong, and you know why you did it, and you now know that it’s not going to happen again. You need a pretty f*cking good reason that it’s not going to happen again, by the way.
That’s going to go some of the way of repairing some of the damage you did when you broke her trust. A lot of her pain is probably coming from the fact that she doesn’t know if you even recognize what you did that was so wrong and so hurtful to her. So showing her that you empathize with how she’s feeling and you feel terribly about it is a great way to ease that hurt.
Alright, now onto the next step: earning her trust back.
This is much simpler: don’t f*ck up again. It takes a while for someone’s trust for you to grow back after you’ve broken it. You can’t buy it back, you can’t get it back by asking, and she can’t just give it back to you. You have to earn it.
That means not f*cking up again. That means treating a promise you made to her as a big f*cking deal, and not breaking them. That means looking out for her well being, her feelings, her emotions, and her state of mind more than you would your own.
It means being a good person, and keeping 100% vigilance that you don’t break her trust again.
If you can do that, slowly, over time, her trust for you will come back. See to it that you don’t break it again.
That’s it! Here’s hoping you didn’t give her father hiv Robert. Hope the pie tasted good.
Anyone have any stories of rebuilt trust? Or any advice for Robert? Leave ’em below.
And as always, if you’ve got any questions, send ’em here and I’ll answer them with a maximum amount of condescension and insults.