I met this girl at a bbq last week and we hit it off. We were joking around, we were laughing and everything seemed good. So I sent her a text, no response…I figured everything was fine…but still, a few days later and no text…should I send her a text or is that going to seem needy?
Jeff wants to know why a woman he met didn’t text him back. Jeff, I’m not a mind reader. I don’t know the exact reason in her mind why she hasn’t texted you back yet.
I do know what makes women want to text you back though.
Tell me if this sounds familiar:
So you’re out, you meet a girl, you think she’s hot, you’re attracted to her, and then score! You get her phone number!
You don’t want to scare her off, so you send her a text. Something nice and light, simple, start a conversation and you’re off to the races. You can already see how she’ll text you back, you’ll go on a date, it’ll be awesome, she’ll come back to your place and everything will be sweet.
Except she doesn’t text back right away.
ok, no big deal, she’s probably busy, you’ve got time, you can wait.
Then she doesn’t text back that day.
Or the next day.
Or the next day.
And then what goes through your mind? “What a bitch.”
That used to be my first thought too. Why though? Why do our minds jump to blaming her and calling her a bitch?
I mean, if she had texted back and you had gone on a date, you wouldn’t have thought she was a bitch… so why did you jump to that thought now?
The real reason is pretty simple: it’s because she made you feel bad. You felt disappointed and your ego was hurt, so you externalized that pain and attacked her.
When you think about it that way, that’s a pretty sh*tty reaction, right?
Well, what if I told you that your instinctual reaction to call her a bitch is the same reason why she didn’t text you back in the first place?
Doesn’t make any sense, right? Aren’t they two completely different things?
Nope. At their core they’re linked. Here’s why:
Let’s take a look at the two reasons you felt bad she didn’t text you back: you were disappointed, and your ego was hurt. The truth is, both of those reasons are why women don’t text you back in the first place.
You were disappointed she didn’t text you back… why is that? It’s because you made it your goal for her to text you back and go out on a date with you.
You needed her to text you back in order to feel good about yourself. If she didn’t, your ego would get hurt (hence thinking she’s a bitch).
Let me tell you right now, loud and clear: that kind of thinking will kill a woman’s attraction for you.
Seriously. Have you ever been talking to a woman, and you said something, and all of a sudden you could feel how her attitude towards you changed? I know there have been many, many times in my life where I’ve said something to a woman and I could feel that she got turned off.
You can feel her attitude towards you… and she can feel your attitude towards her.
This is simple, but it’s super important you understand it. She’s going to be able to pick up on your ‘vibe’, on your attitude towards her. If she feels like you’ve got a goal about her (like getting her to text you back), she’s going to get turned off.
It’s automatic, she probably doesn’t even know why she becomes unattracted to you. The real reason is that you need her to text you back to feel good about yourself – and she could sense it.
So how do you stop yourself from turning her off? Well, that’s super f*cking simple dude. Just stop needing her to do anything to feel happy.
Don’t worry about whether she texts you back or not. Drop the ‘goal’ of getting her to text you back.
The truth is, she’s got a million billion things going on in her life that you have no clue about. Maybe her mom is sick and in the hospital, and she’s too busy to text. Maybe she’s married and just didn’t tell you. Maybe she’s a secret terrorist operative hiding in the United States and she’s about to go ham on some government building. I don’t know dude. And neither do you.
Whether she texts you back or not says nothing about who you are, so stop acting like it does. Stop basing your self-worth on whether she texts you back or not. You’ve met other women right? Who the f*ck cares if this one texted you back?
Something pretty insane starts to happen when you get this mindset into your head. All of a sudden, you start becoming much more attractive to women. Why?
Well, if she doesn’t sense that you need her to text you back, and she senses that you’re just as happy and comfortable with yourself if she texts you as if she doesn’t… it’s a huge turn on for her. Women are always looking for guys who are happy, relaxed, and comfortable with themselves, no matter what happens.
That mindset is like hooking a huge magnet up to your attractiveness and cranking it up to 1.21 gigawatts. Once you stop obsessing over getting her to text you back, she’ll actually want to text you back.
Funny how that works huh?
Think I’m full of sh*t? Confused about something I wrote (very likely)? Leave a comment and let’s talk about it!