Q: I have been dating this girl for a few months now and I am having a great time with her. The sex is great and we have so much fun together, but I am on the fence about what to do next. Is it time to bring up the c-word?
Do I keep it casual, or do I ask her to become my girlfriend? How do I know if it’s time to commit and take it to the next level?
Kevin, the C-Word is c*nt. It’s not commitment. Don’t get me excited thinking that you’re going to ask me a question about c*nts and then sucker punch me with some boring ass commitment question. That’s bullsh*t.
You’re bullsh*t. Maybe I’ll just talk about the word c*nt instead of answering your question. C*nt. What a great word.
Anyway, you want to know whether it’s the right time to commit deeper to a woman you’re casually seeing, or in this case, make her your girlfriend.
For f*ck’s sake Kevin, I don’t even know you. I do know your girlfriend, and you should always lock down a chick willing to get that freaky in bed.
I’m just kidding, you c*nt.
The truth is, you’re probably feeling some pressure to commit to her or cut ties based on what you think is “normal” for a relationship. “Oh, it’s been X months, it’s time to decide to make her my girlfriend.”
That’s a crappy way of thinking about it. There’s no schedule, no set defined time for certain things to happen. They should happen when they feel right, not when you think it’s ‘time’.
Now, you’re having a good time with her, the sex is great, and you have lots of fun while you’re with her. Normally, I’d tell you that it’s a great idea to ask her to be your girlfriend.
But you told me you’re on the fence. That means you should think about it a bit more carefully.
The best advisor in this is going to be your gut. What does your gut tell you to do? I’m not talking about feeling nervous about asking her a big question, what I’m saying is: when you think about a future with her, do you feel a good feeling in your gut, or an ominous bad feeling in your gut.
That’s going to be your best guide.
At the same time, you can look at some great signs that it’s a good idea to take things to the next level. For instance, you already said she makes you feel good. If you’re always in a better mood around her than without her, that’s a good sign that committing is a good idea.
Does she know who you really are, or do you still wear a ‘mask’ around her (no, not your f*cking gimp mask, I mean the mask you wear emotionally to hide who you truly are from the world). If she knows who you are when you’re alone, and she accepts and likes that version of you… that’s another great sign.
The most important sign you could find is this: does she support your passions and interests? Do you really trust her? Those are the key things… and if they’re true, it’s a great idea to commit to her.
Get it? Good. Before I send you off to commit to this woman, you should also take an honest look in your life for some signs that it’s a bad idea to commit to a woman.
Are you thinking of committing to her because you’re afraid she’ll leave you if you don’t and you want to “lock her down”?
That’s bad Kevin. Don’t do that. That’s a bad idea.
If you’re committing to her because you think she wants a commitment from you, that’s a recipe for disaster. The only way a relationship can grow and continue to be great is if both people are 100% on board. If you’re only committing because you don’t want to lose her or because she expects you to, you’re going to have major trouble down the road.
However, if you really are committing because you’re happier around her, she makes your life better, you can see a future with her, and she knows who you truly are, then great! You did it! You found someone who makes your life better and you want to spend more time with her. Good for you.
Anyone have advice for Kevin over whether he should commit? Ever commit to a woman you shouldn’t have? Leave stories in the comments.