I’ve been looking for a relationship for a while now, but I can’t ever seem to get past the first date. I’m able to ask her out ok, but then after the first date women don’t really seem interested in seeing me anymore. What’s wrong with me, and what am I doing wrong?
Randall, what’s wrong with you is the giant god damn squid tentacle arm you’ve got growing out of your head. We encouraged you to remove it, but you said “No, it looks good!” in your stupid asshole voice and now you’ve got a tentacle coming out of your head.
Sh*t’s gross. No woman wants to f*ck a guy who looks like he’s half octopus. Get your tentacle sh*t under control Randall.
Or, y’know, there could be nothing wrong with you. You could be a totally great and worthwhile guy who’s run into some bad luck. or there could be something in your mindset that’s making women less likely to want a second date with you.
Let’s look at that a little more closely (but keep your f*cking head tentacle away from me or so help me god I’ll get the f*cking pruning shears).
So what’s your mentality when you’re going into the date? (Don’t worry about answering that Randall, you can’t, I’m just going to guess it, because this is an advice column and I’m doing something called asking a rhetorical question. Look that sh*t up.)
Are you nervous? Are you looking forward to the date? Are you feeling any pressure or anxiety?
You’d be a robot if you weren’t. (Are you a robot? Seriously answer me Randall. Randall the robot). It’s natural to feel a bit nervous before a date.
But let’s look into why you’re feeling anxious. Why are you feeling anxious?
My gut feeling is that your anxiety stems from worrying that you’re going to fail, and that you’re going to be rejected.
Well, fail at what? Fail at the date? At breathing? At eating correctly? What are you worried you’re going to fail at?
Think seriously about that question. What are you really worried about? Whatever that thing is, whether you’re worried she’s not going to kiss you, or she’s not going to find you attractive, or you’re not going to know what to say to her, or you won’t know how to get her to want to take you home, drop it.
Drop that thought like it’s hot. That sh*t is poisonous.
If you’re thinking along those lines, then you’ve already got a goal. Your goal will be to think of things to say to her, or get her to want to kiss you, or get her to try to bring you home. That’s counterproductive. That’s almost as bad as your f*cking tentacle head.
Forget about having goals about your date. Women can sense when you’ve got a goal about them. If she senses that you’re focusing on something besides being present with her on the date, it’s going to turn her off and make her not want a second date with you.
And why would she? From her perspective, she hung out with a guy who was never really present with her, who seemed preoccupied with other stuff, and who was in a bad mood because she didn’t respond to him the way she wanted. gee, what woman could say no to that?
The trick is, you need to let go of any goals you have and just be present with her. Relax, have a good time, enjoy the moment, and focus on being in a good mood. That’s literally all you need to do to guarantee that you’ll have a good date with her.
The only thing you can really control is your mood, and if you can do that, you’re going to make her attracted to you. Women want to be with a guy who’s in a genuinely good mood, and if they are, they become more and more attracted to him. So drop your anxiety and drop your goals! Just focus on having a good time!
One more thing: don’t try to impress her. When you try to impress her, what you’re saying is “I don’t think I’m good enough for you as is, because of my freaky f*cked up tentacle head, so I need to make a special effort to impress you to prove that I’m ‘enough’ for you.”
That’s bullsh*t. She agreed to go on a date with you. You’re already ‘enough’ for her. Don’t feel like you have to impress her, or she’ll sense it, and it’ll turn her off. Trying to impress her is going to get you nowhere.
Trying to stay in a really good mood, and enjoy yourself, and enjoy each moment you spend with her is going to be what makes her really like you, and what gets you second dates with women.
That, and if you got rid of that creepy f*cking tentacle.
Any suggestions for Randall to help him out? Anyone else have weird tentacles growing out of their heads? Leave a comment below.