Over and over again I’ve seen women go for assholes instead of good guys like me. How can I get women to like me instead of jerks who will treat them like sh*t? I’m a good guy, I treat women well, and yet I constantly get shut down and get put in the friend zone. What should I do?
Oh Bob. Ohhhhhhhhhhh Bob.
We’ve been over this before in these parts, but it’s good to revisit it every once in a while.
Bob, it’s going to be sh*tty for you to read this article, but that’s ok, because you deserve sh*tty things.
Do you know what treating women well means, Bob? It means treating them like people. It means not treating them like walking bags of flesh that you want to stick your cock into.
more: What Type Of Man Do Women Want?
I don’t think you actually know what “treating women well” means, as evidenced by the fact that you say women “constantly” put you in the “friend zone”.
I’ve talked about how sh*tty the concept of the friend zone is before, but for those who haven’t read it or are too dull to get it through their thick f*cking skulls: the friend zone is bullsh*t.
What do women really want in a guy? I don’t know how to become the type of guy that women want and it’s driving me crazy. What do women really want? What should I do?
Well Shawn, there is one type of man that women love above all others.
You have to be strong, but sensitive. You have to be kind, but firm. You have to be gentle, but powerful. You have to be evil, but considerate.
You have to be human, but also part crocodile. You have to be at least 40 percent machine. You have to have a perfect driving record. You have to be able to punt a football at least 40 yards.
more: What Do Women Really Want In A Man?
You have to be able to take on a grizzly bear in a fist fight and win, but make the grizzly bear feel like it won the fight. You have to be able to eat 100 hard boiled eggs in one sitting.
I met a woman at a bar and we both had a great time. We had such a good time that we wound up at my house at the end of the date and had really good sex. I like this woman, but I’m worried about taking things further with her. Is it worth it to date the kind of woman that has one night stands?
Well Ray, let’s take a close inspection of the question you just asked.
“I hit it off enough with a woman to sleep with her on the first night. I like her, but I don’t want to date the kind of person that sleeps with a stranger on the first night. What should I do?”
A less astute person than myself should have no problem pointing out the glaring inconsistency in your question.
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That is: if you don’t want to date the kind of person who sleeps with you on the first night, then why should you expect anyone to want to date you, being that you slept with her on the first night also?
aha! Shoe’s on the other foot now, isn’t it?!
I have ok success with women, but every woman I date or sleep with is just oklooking, and I really want to start sleeping with the hottest women out there. How can I get really attractive women interested in me?
To do that, George, you’re going to need to gain access to the world conspiracy of attractive women (wcaw for short).
And that ain’t easy.
First, you’ll have to find their base of operations. The only way to do that is to get the information from someone already in a high up rank at wcaw, so you’re going to need to be able to attract a hot woman for that part of the job.
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That’s only the first step.
Then, you need to possess the sexual stamina necessary to satisfy her to the tune of 35 orgasms within a 3 hour span. Note that each time you make her cum you have to cum yourself, which means you have to be able to cum 35 times in 3 hours, or just a touch under 12 times an hour.
I’ve been dating a woman for 8 months, and I’m not sure whether I love her or not. She’s said “I love you” to me, but I’m not sure whether I should say it back or not. How do you “know” when you’re in love with someone?
Rupert, finding out whether you love someone is a magical experience that transforms both parties into happy, fantastic beings that feed on love itself.
What you’re going to need is your girlfriend, a really really sharp knife, some very strong straps and a high tolerance for pain.
ok, so what you’re going to do is have your girlfriend tie you down onto a flat, sterile surface. If you’ve got an island in your kitchen, great, have her tie you down on that. If you don’t have a kitchen because you live in the sewer and feast on rats for sustenance, use a relatively poo-free flat surface.
more: What Are The Signs She’s In Love With Me?
You’re going to have her cut a pentagram around your heart. It’s got to be big enough so that she doesn’t cut through your heart itself, but not too big that the sorcery is too diffused to work its magic.
I’ve been in a few relationships in my life, but I’ve never felt truly “in love”. I always feel like the woman I’m with loves me for my job security, or my stability, but never for who I truly am. How can I get a woman to love me for who I really am?
Damn Jared, that’s a sincere question. I… I don’t even want to f*ck with you because of it. I’m going to skip the whole part where I give you terrible suggestions because if I did that now it would make me feel bad.
Damn Jared. Good question.
My first question for you would be this: have you ever shown a woman you’re dating who you actually are?
more: What Are The Signs She’s In Love With Me?
What I mean by that is, have you ever been truly yourself around the women you’re dating, or do you act like the person you think they want you to be?
I’m sick and tired of getting rejected over and over at bars. How can I approach women so that they say yes to me instead of rejecting me? How do you get a woman to say yes?
Well Peter, I know getting rejected can be discouraging. And I know you want a way to make sure every woman you approach says yes.
Unfortunately for you, there are several scenarios in which every woman you approach says yes to going out with you (or going home with you), and almost all of them wind up with you in prison, or worse.
more: How To Stop Getting Rejected By Women
For instance, if you walk into a bar carrying a gun, you can bet your ass people aren’t going to say no to you. You could even shout out as you walk in, “who’s going to say no to a guy with a gun!?”
I doubt very much that anyone in that bar will say no to you. In fact, I bet you could get every woman’s phone number, plus free drinks if you wanted!
I’m dating a woman and I’m not sure where it’s going, but I’m worried that she’s too high maintenance for me. We always have to do what she wants to do, and she acts all negative and pouty if she doesn’t get her way. How can you tell if a woman is high maintenance, and what can I do about it?
Well Cory, the only way to tell if a woman is high maintenance is to look underneath the hood.
Of course, you can go to older versions of her model and check if they were high maintenance too. If you look under her mom’s hood and find that she’s high maintenance, it probably means the daughter is high maintenance too.
more: Watch Out For These Relationship Red Flags
That’s right, you’re not a mechanic, I have to tell you how to look under her hood.
You’re going to want to sedate her and get her into an X ray machine or an mri machine as quickly as possible. Do your scan to find out what’s going on inside her body.
I want to get more into online dating, but I don’t know how to be sexy to a woman online. How can I come across as attractive and interesting over the internet?
Alright Kenny, here’s what you do.
You need to have a laptop computer for this. If you’ve got a desktop, it’s going to be much more difficult for you, but not impossible.
more: The Secret To Getting More Responses From Online Dating
The first step is to find a woman to chat with online. There are several important things to remember:
1. Almost all real women on the internet are found in aol chat rooms. Most of them like to congregate in the “lesbian chat rooms” and also the chat rooms for small children, for some reason.
2. Once you’re talking to a real live woman, don’t try to verify that she’s a woman in any way. You have to just “trust” that she’s a woman, or you’ll ruin the mystique, even if the picture she sends you is blatantly ripped from a different website.
3. Make sure you’re not talking to Chris Hansen. Ain’t nobody wants to talk to Chris Hansen.
I’ve read about how I’m supposed to have good body language in order to attract women, but I don’t really know what that means. I guess I don’t have good body language because women aren’t attracted to me? How can I have good body language?
Alright Justin, listen up. There’s a simple key to body language, and you’re going to learn it.
Over the eons of human development, women have evolved to judge men on one thing and one thing only: body language. The problem is, the actual details of the language have been lost to time thousands of years ago.
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The ancients knew the secrets of the “body language”, but they were sworn to secrecy, as the language was so powerful that if it was ever discovered by someone unpure of heart it could destroy the world.
The truth is, whoever knows the body language knows how to control the people. When you know the body language, all you have to do is speak it to someone and you’ll be able to have complete control over their body.
That’s what body language means.
more: The Easiest Ways To Make Women Want You