How To Impress The Woman You Want

I really want to date this girl I met at work, and I want to impress her so that she wants to go out with me. What’s a great way to impress a woman?

Leroy R.

Alright Leroy, f*cking listen up, because you have to follow my instructions to the letter if you’re going to make it out of this alive.

Now, I know you don’t like me, and I sure as f*ck don’t like you. But I don’t want to see you die out there, so we have to work together and we’re going to get through this.

First, do you have your survival gear?

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god damnit leroy how do you not have your f*cking survival gear. get your sh*t together.

We’re going to cause a global climate catastrophe the likes of which hasn’t been seen since the ice age. You need to get your weather nuke, and set it off.

i don’t know where to get a weather nuke just f*cking get one leroy jesus god damn tit-sh*tting christ.

Once the earth is covered in snow, she’s going to be on the brink of freezing to death. This is where you come in Leroy.

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Use your survival gear to fight through the ice zombies (yes i said f*cking ice zombies) and get to her house. When you get there, get inside and find her. She’ll be impressed that you showed up, but we’re not done yet.