The Secret To Getting More Responses From Online Dating

I can’t figure out online dating…I message all these women and none of the ones I want respond…I don’t get it. What do women want in an online dating profile?

-Ken L.

ok Ken, that’s a pretty common problem. Let’s go through some basic troubleshooting to make sure we can figure out what exactly you’re getting wrong.

First, is your computer on? Are you staring at a blank monitor or does it have words and sh*t on it? If your computer was off, kindly walk to the door of your computer room, put your dick in the door frame, and slam the door as hard as you can. Flaccid or erect, either one works. Women will be all over you in around 15-20 minutes, I promise.

Oh ok, your computer is on and you’ve got the dating website open. Great. We can skip all sorts of other instructions then.

Because in truth, online dating should be great, right? You don’t have to go to a bar, or spend $6 on a beer that would cost you $1 at the supermarket, or work up the courage to shout over the music to a bunch of unimpressed looking women in the hopes that one is interested in you.